Having read Silvana de Soissons’ excellent post on how to write a food blog, it got me thinking. I am not a long time blogging and I know that I have a long way to go. However, in the past 5 months, there are 5 things I have learned not to do when food blogging. Here’s my top 5 don’ts AND a special bonus tip:
1. Don’t start something you aren’t going to finish.
The telltale signs are headlines like “My new life starts here” or “What I am eating now”. I know the majority are fueled by well-intentioned new-year positivity and the “new lifer” will probably revert to the old life, just as they do most years. Best to do the work, and blog about it after you have achieved something. Trust me, we can wait.
2. Don’t do a daily online diary.
While it is good to write things down, it is not good for the rest of us to read about “Day 32 – My couscous-vegan-nut-diet goals achieved”. Again, if you do something worthwhile, let us know after the fact. We can wait.
3. Don’t start a post with “Sorry I haven’t been blogging for a while (followed by a lame excuse)”.
This opening implies some very introspective musing. Think of your readers and what might interest them. It is the only way to get them to think of you, if that is what you want. Most of us weren’t waiting anyway. If we were, we would have posted something like:
“I wonder what could be wrong, (insert your name nere) hasn’t posted in ages.”
4. Don’t use obscene language
I know it’s oh so funny to use the F word. God knows, I have been known to use profanity and bad language myself. However if you can’t communicate in print without expressions such as “F*** Yeah! that pizza was sick” or “F***ing awesome cheese sandwich, Dude!”, you probably are trying to master the wrong medium. F*** Yeah, Bro!
5. Don’t make rude noises
Never, ever start or end a post with that awful expression ‘Om Nom Nom’. Eat with your mouth closed. Don’t eat while reading my blog. You’ll get crumbs in your keyboard.
6. YES! A Special Bonus Tip – 6 for the price of 5

Yes! Six. A nice photo of nice vegetables representing the number 6.
Don’t do lists. I am fed up of seeing “Top 10 this”, “Top 7 that”, “15 things every blogger didn’t know they should know”, “3 things to do before you get out of bed.”etc., etc… The only top 5 list to which you should pay attention is this one.
Having said all this, I could start a post like this:
“Om Nom Nom. Day 325 – Sorry I haven’t been posting in ages, I have been filling my diary with my new top three diet plans. The good news is I have achieved my mung bean, tofu and egg-plant diet goals. F***ing awesome Mo Fo, fo sho!”
Or, perhaps not….
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